A Strange Hope

Posted by: lifestory in Depression

Tagged in: relationships , peace , meaning , hope , faith , depression , anger

  Jordan Hachey knew that God did not exist and was confident that He would have no part in his life.  Eventually some of his friends convinced him to come to church and through a series of tragic events Jordan discovered a true peace found only in Christ.  Read as Jordan shares his own inspirational testimony. 




I accepted Jesus in May 2008. It was my second time through the Alpha program at North View, and almost a full year after I started regularly attending church. Now, I had been a firm atheist through that year and the few that preceded it. The reason I was in church at all, as you can probably guess, was a girl.

Of course, by the end of a year, it wasn't just a girl. I had many Christian friends. Somehow I had been taken in by a group of Christians and they really became my social circle. It's almost overwhelming looking back on how radically God interfered in my life. I was pulled out of a life of hopelessness and dropped into a place where the Kingdom surrounded me.

My friends were extremely patient with me. I was good at being an atheist. There was no argument for faith that I would have shied away from, and I never lost a debate. I knew all the talking points; from philosophy to biology, and I was dead certain of everything I believed. I told myself that I'd come a long way from the depression that almost killed me, and it was logic that had carried me. Yet there was an emptiness, and a longing that went unsatisfied. I could reason away depression and suicide as “unhelpful” but I couldn't do anything for the deep hurt that had driven me to depression in the first place.

It would have been too simple to pray “the sinners prayer” and find the satisfaction I had been longing for, but it did start something that drove me back into deep desperation. I faced the monster that almost took me once before, and this time I found I wasn't alone anymore.
What's the natural thing to do after becoming a Christian? Start dating that Christian girl you've been interested in for the last year, of course! Yes, it was time for old Jordan to settle into the glorious life of comfort that Christianity is all about... So I didn't have the best picture of Christianity off the start. I just saw so many Christians around me with the kind of life I'd always wanted. Within a month of becoming a Christian I had a new job, a new car and a new girlfriend. My life was finally on track! Sure worship was a little forced and I had a hard time with most theological concepts, but I was doing nearly everything right! I was sure that it would all just gradually drop into place.

Isn't our God just too good? He didn't leave me in that sad state to rot. Within six months my parents separated after almost thirty years. It was quite dramatic. The next month I lost my job. It was another three months of struggling to find lasting employment before my girlfriend dumped me, breaking my heart. I crashed my year old car the next month.
I would have guessed that losing my girlfriend would be enough to drive me away from God. All I can say is that He wanted me. Life looked more bleak than it ever had in the pit of my depression, but there was something different. A strange hope that kept me from sliding back to thoughts of suicide. When I cried out to God at my most desperate (May 2009) He answered me.

I prayed a passage from Psalms 119:25-32 “My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to Your word. I have declared my ways, and You answered me; Teach me Your statutes. Make me understand the way of Your precepts; So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works. My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to your word. Remove from me the way of lying and grant me Your law graciously. I have chosen the way of truth; Your judgments I have laid before me. I cling to Your testimonies; O Lord, do not put me to shame! I will run the course of your commandments, for you shall enlarge my heart.”

That's when my life became a conversation with God. In that prayer I dedicated myself to serving Him, and He has taken me at my word. The Lord has been so gracious in supplanting the ungodly things in my life. This walk just gets more exciting. It's strange to think that my identity was once defined by depression and now I'm defined by the joy of the Lord. And though I was once an effective skeptic, I am now zealous to glorify my God. For with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm He has rescued me

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